My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
