after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
