Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
