Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
