So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
