I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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