I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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