But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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