is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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