so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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