It was confusing and full of hummus
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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