dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you never un-have a 4some
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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