Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
