I hate your face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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