non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
