Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
