i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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