Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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