Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
