I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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