$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
