I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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