then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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