Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
