im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
