just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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