i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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