Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So much Jack, so little girl.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
