If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We are all done wearing pants today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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