The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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