I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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