i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
