do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
