I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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