she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
