someone threw a dead crab at me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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