Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
