I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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