I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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