I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
