I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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