just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
