why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
