In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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