look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize