Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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