I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
