I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
