I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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