Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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