Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
