I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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