I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
babies were throwing up all over the place
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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