Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
