A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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