16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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