Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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