with your own penis?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
