Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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